I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
