can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
