I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
