Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
