if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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