i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
