I like to think it a success when the cops are called
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
