I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
