I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
