So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sex in the backyard? Check.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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