someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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