I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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