New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
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Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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