i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
