Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize