While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
