i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
