apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
