Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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