As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
