clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
