There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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