She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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