I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
