You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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