Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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