i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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