there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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