im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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