I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
