you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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