i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
