Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
