is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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