Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
