I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
