she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
