Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
