So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
