I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
