You can't motorboat a personality
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize