that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
