so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
