Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
