the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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