her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
