I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
