Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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