He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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