I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
