Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
