the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If its not for food we ain't going out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
