At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
