I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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