I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
