If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
