I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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