Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
