Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just gargled with NyQuil
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
