I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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