WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
