after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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