my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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