you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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