I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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