I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
