never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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