I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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