I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
