What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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