i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Randomize
