I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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