either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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