why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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