Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
