dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Found the puke drawer
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
