I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
