Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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