Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
