I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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