He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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