Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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