is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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