We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
