I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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