That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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